“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place because it frees you.” ~ Tyler Perry

The topic of forgiveness repeatedly comes up for me during every full moon and even when I pull oracle cards or read articles and books.  

Not long ago, I dove into the practice of forgiving myself, my parents, and especially my mom. 

But recently, during an iridology session (an alternative medicine that examines the eye iris), the practitioner pointed out some emotional issues. She brought up forgiveness on my PATERNAL side. 

“What would I need to forgive my dad?” I wondered. My soul wanted to scream, I resisted. I felt numb and struggled internally. 

What was I missing? How can I forgive someone I don’t know and who wasn’t even there for me? I had no connection with him whatsoever. 

Growing up, I had two father figures. One came to visit me at the orphanage once, and after that, I only saw him smile at me from a black-and-white photo. 

When my biological dad passed away, his brother married my mom and stepped into the role of “father.” My new “dad” came to visit me at the orphanage with my mom. But because of his severe alcoholism, he was forced to stay away.  

I desperately wanted to have a dad. So I was ready to call any man “a father” as long as he desired to step into that role.  

Wondering what it would have been like to have a father… The truth is, I can’t imagine what that would have been like. 

I look back with compassion and realize I need to forgive my father(s) in my life. I forgive them for not being there for me and other things:

• not allowing me to know what it’s like to have a father, 
• not protecting me,
• not looking after me,
• not allowing me to grow up in a family, 
• not prioritizing my well-being, 
• not stopping my mom from being reckless and making bad choices, 
• not realizing that I was more important than getting drunk. 

“Take forgiveness slowly. Don’t blame yourself for being slow. Peace will come.” ~ Yoko Ono

But I wondered if I needed to go even deeper within and see what else I needed to forgive them for. “Am I missing something?”

So I want to release pain and suffering by forgiving both of them at a deeper level:  

• not hugging and embracing me with love, telling me everything would be okay; 
• not holding my hand when I needed my father’s support, reminding me how strong I was to overcome obstacles; 
• not being there when I needed him the most in challenging situations;
• not guiding me in making decisions and giving me advice. 

Even though my forgiveness journey has just begun, I can find gratitude in my heart. Thank you, my biological dad, for giving me life! I love you. 

“Forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else. It’s something you do for yourself. It’s saying, ‘You’re not important enough to have a stranglehold on me.’ It’s saying, ‘You don’t get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future.” ~ Jodi Picoult