The documentary shooting focused on my younger sister Irina Nikitina and the Special Olympics went well. But not without challenges. 

My interview felt like a slap in the face with unexpected heart-digging questions. Nevertheless, I did my best to recollect some fading memories and share my points of view on different life circumstances, especially between my sister and me. Some memories were full of sunshine. Some were painful, and some were forgotten.

Moving forward despite anything

The hardest part was finding the right Russian words to express myself fully. Living in the US since 2003, not having enough practice, especially speaking on spiritual topics in my native tongue, I realized I had forgotten many words. 

A long silence often became awkward while I searched for the proper translation in my mind. I drew a blank, feeling frustrated. 

Some questions cut through my heart, triggering me and opening my wounds. It was hard enough to remember how my culture could be judgmental towards others, blaming, pointing fingers, and criticizing. 

“Natasha, it’s the past, it’s the past,” I reminded myself to loosen up. I understand I can’t please everyone and make them like me. That’s not my goal and mission. So instead, I’m here to own my choices, find lessons, and show others they can move forward by forgiving themselves, others, and life circumstances.

“It’s easy to judge. It’s more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods. Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow.” ~ Doe Zantamata

The experience with the documentary healed parts of me. I let my story be heard, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I let my TRUE self shine through.

The “Earth Angel” message I received while filming the documentary at the Rising Phoenix store spoke so loud and clear to confirm my mission. “You are a Lightworker who teaches about love.” The next day, the Universe sent me a message of recognition: “You and your accomplishments are receiving appreciation and honors.” But it was SELF-recognition that mattered the most. I love both messages. It’s what my wounded heart and my soul wanted. To be seen and heard. 

A documentary shooting about my sister Irina Nikitina and the Special Olympics

The image of the rising phoenix comes to my eyes when I think about my past. My sister and I are rising above what could destroy us and keep us stuck. The gifts are to acknowledge, heal, and let go of the stories we told ourselves. And then, with courage, we move forward, one step at a time. We’ve got this! Together. 

Rise, my friend, from the ashes. Allow yourself to be reborn.

Remember: we are continuously growing, expanding, evolving, and transforming into new versions of ourselves.