“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.” ~ Desmond Tutu

 For a long time, I blamed the Universe and my parents for everything that happened to me. I was angry at the world. Even in the introduction poetry for my memoir, I wrote: 

“Why? Why? Why did this happen to me? 

My heart was ripped into pieces. 

I was only five years old.” 

I was devastated to be taken away from my parents, and I ended up in a Russian orphanage for twelve years.

Only later, with years of experience, wisdom, and occasional earth angels, did I learn that it wasn’t happening TO me, but FOR me.

With the healing assistance of plant medicine, Ayahuasca, I opened my eyes and heart to understand that my parents did the best they could for me. They made life choices to continue on their path without me, and as a result, they provided a better future for me. 

My liberating moment was when I forgave my mom and dad in my heart for not caring for me and not giving me the opportunity to grow up with them. I also learned to forgive the Universe and those who put me through hardships. 

The realizations and gems of wisdom I received were trusting and surrendering, learning to move on, recognizing and finding blessings, and learning how experiences made me stronger.  

Forgiveness is the most powerful tool. However, it is not easy to forgive someone or a system for the harm and pain done. It is also challenging to forgive yourself and free yourself from self-judgment. But it is essential.

Forgive yourself first. 

Forgiveness is a healing balm for our pain. When we forgive, we allow our lives to move forward with ease. It takes great courage and strength to forgive but not forget and, as a result, find true self-love and inner freedom. 

Forgive = letting go of the right or desire to punish or change. With forgiveness, you move from a state of not love to LOVE.

So, no matter how much you’ve been hurt, please don’t close your heart! The world needs your heart open and shining.

These are the practices that helped me:

1. 7 times 70. Write this phrase: “I, your name, completely forgive myself, my parents, or a person’s name.” Seventy times for one person for seven days. I did it for three people. It was lots of writing (210 phrases, to be exact, each day), but it was worth it. Please commit to this practice. I suggest writing it when you wake up or at the same time for seven days straight. When you are done, you can burn your pages as a releasing ceremony. 
2. Ho’oponopono – The Hawaiian forgiveness prayer “I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. “ Visualize the person and the feeling you want to forgive in a healing circle of light. Repeat the prayer as long as you need to feel a softening and a clearing. Remember to breathe. (Here is a forgiveness meditation for deep healing, Ho’oponopono.) 

“When you forgive, you heal. When you let go, you grow.”