When my boundaries get crossed, sometimes I swallow discomfort and stay quiet.

Growing up in an orphanage, I experienced no such thing as boundaries. We shared hairbrushes, toothbrushes, and even clean underwear. Nothing was mine but ours.

I didn’t know much about boundaries, but the few I had got crossed a lot. I stored discomfort within me, eventually leading to episodes of bursts with heartbreaking screams. 

It was too late to fix anything. The only action was to release by hitting the air with fists and kicks. I screamed my lungs out, and then a sobbing sound revealed my pain of loneliness. Eventually, I would calm down on my own. I had to. I didn’t want to carry the “psycho” label in the orphanage.

As an adult, I learned to read my body’s signals. I feel like a snake trying to shed its skin when I’m uncomfortable. Anger rises in me. This painful discomfort reminds me that “My boundaries got crossed!” 

It used to happen a lot before I turned thirty. I didn’t know HOW to speak up about my boundaries, especially to my friends or people I had just met. There’s been a little “pleaser” in me since my childhood. And I avoided offending others, even at my own expense. Can you relate?

The most common reason people do not honor their boundaries is their fear of being rejected, unloved, accepted, or abandoned.

Identifying my boundaries took years, and I’m still learning more about them. I am also learning to speak up, although it’s hard sometimes. 

I used to be straightforward, but it didn’t get me far. Those who appreciate this quality still hang out with me. Over the years, I’ve learned to listen, be compassionate, and gently deliver my messages. Sometimes I am misunderstood. 

Talking about what bothers me is not in my comfort zone. Usually, I go within myself to find answers. But enough is enough! It’s time to speak up and be assertive!

I’m still working on being confident with my words and standing up for myself and the truth, even if it makes others uncomfortable or upset. I’m still working on speaking up about my needs, embracing my gifts, and sharing my story. 

This work begins inward, on the personal level—as within, so without. 

Boundaries are closely connected to being honest with ourselves and the ongoing process of genuinely loving who we are, which is constantly evolving.

Reflection

The first two questions below hit home for me. Take your time answering them for yourself. It could be enlightening to discover honest answers and learn more about yourself.

• What fear comes up when you think about setting boundaries with someone in your life?

• Where are you leaking your energy, and what boundaries can you set for yourself to stop that habit?
• Is there a conversation you need to have? Is there a scary “ask” you need to make? 
• Where can you honor your needs so you can be more energetically resourced and give from the overflow?

If you want to be heard and witnessed, respond to these questions or share your thoughts and experiences about this topic. I am here for you.